Now all the shennanigans are over its time for bed. Goodnight!
So I spent 60 today on halloween costume stuff. I finally decided that im going to be a hippie. No its not super original but still awesome. I got a afro wig, a tie dye skirt, fringe vest, hippie tattoos, an rose colored round framed glasses. I just need to find a shirt to wear with it and my outfit will be complete! I don't know why I spent so much...I don't even have any plans for halloween. But i guess there is always next year. Hell i may wear the wig all the time, im wearing it now.
I drove down to missouri this past weekend to finally go visit my grandparents. We figured that I hadn't seen them in about 6 years. It was nice finally seeing them, but kind of sad. My grandpa is doing well, but grandma not so much. She pretty much slept the whole time and was very cranky. I felt bad for my grandpa, he couldn't say anything without her biting his head off. Well anyway it was nice. My grandpa gave me his 1980 vespa scooter thats been sitting in his garage since 1988 we found out. So i towed that back and now its sitting in th backyard. The last time me and Shawn talked he agreed to still fix the scooter for me...but surprise surprise I tried to call him, no answer. Sent a text, no reply. That was friday. I guess its good that even though it irks me, I don't care all that much. Except for getting my scooter fixed because that thing is awesome.
Anyway I kind of maybe sorta have a date tonight. This guy a friend introduced me too....we've been e-mailing eachother since the beginning of the month and he wants to get together this weekend. I'm kind of nervous about it...its been a long time since I've been on a first date. But im excited too...i'm not expecting anything but i think its finally time for me to move on...
So i told myself that this week i was gonna set myself a strict bedtime of 11pm...and its 11:18 and I just don't want to go to bed. Meh
So I know I said I wasn't going to say anything else about the whole Shawn debacle but.....today would have been our official one year anniversary. Surprisingly though....it wasn't as rough as I thought it would be. Actually it wasn't rough at all. I haven't gone to 80s night in a month meaning I haven't seen him in a month. And even though he runs through my heads every 5 minutes I find I'm doing better the long I go without seeing him.
I haven't made an entry is a long time. I'm all settled into my new place, in fact I paid my second month of rent today. Its sooo nice just being able to come home and do my own thing. I've already gotten so used to it, I don't think I can ever go back to having roommates. I feel kind of bad as I never said by to my roommates before I left. They were gone from like Thursday until I moved out on Sunday. I left a note and I keep meaning to drop by but it never seems like I have time. I've been sooooo busy since school started. I underestimated how much work grad school is.
I also joined a gym at the begining of September. So far I haven't lost a ton of weight but I've lost inches. I do a good amount of weight lifting when I go so that makes sense. I'm trying to maintain a 2 lbs a week weight loss and if I keep up with it I will be where I want to be by February. Thats just my short term goal though, i'm going to try to go past that.
Well this entry was quite boring. But it is time for me to hit that hay. Goodnight everyone!
Things have gotten a little worse for me lately. The company I work, or should say worked, for ran into some legal issues and laid off 95% of its staff. I was literally the last to go. My supervisor thought cuts were done and the heads came back and told her to cut more. She only cut two more people, me being one of them, because the place wouldn't have been able to function at all with any less. They are still open and hoping they will be able to bring people back in. The website is back up so it seems likely. I was really worried for a minute as I'm not eligible for unemployment benefits until April 6th. But the check I received today was only a little over $100 less then my normal paycheck (even though there was only a week of work on it. But they canceled my benefits and used some vacation time) so that will last me until then. Also it looks like I lined up another job starting May 5th. It pays more so even if they called me back, I'd take the other position. But its another customer service job. I really didn't go to school for 4 and a half years to listen to people complain. I was meant to do more with my life I thought.
Michigan is a horrible place to be looking for work, especially for a new graduate. There seem to be many job openings but they all have so much competition. The person with 5+ years of experience always beats the new college grad. I can't even seem to get my foot in the door. It's getting really frustrating now.
I know I'd have more luck if I moved. My mom has been trying to convince me to move to Arizona since she left. There are so many more opportunities there. But I can't leave, not now. I remember taking a survey a while ago that asked "If you were in a serious relationship with someone you loved deeply and then was offered the job of your dreams 2,000 miles away, would you take it?" I always answered yes, of course I would. But now....I can't. I can't even bring myself to apply for those jobs. I don't want to leave Shaun. I think it would break me. I've lacked love my whole life and have waited for someone like him, someone who could look me in the eyes and tell me they loved me. Someone who, it would seem, do anything for me. I can't leave him. Sometimes I find myself wishing he would do something that made me hate him...so I could just run away somewhere else and escape. But that bastard isnt making things that easy.
Michigan doesn't hold anything good for me. It just seems one bad thing happens after the next. I've lost touch with most of my friends. I'm really unhappy when I'm not with him. He left for a trip early yesterday and won't be back till late Monday. What do I do? I bought some Vodka. I shouldn't have to either be with Shaun or numb my emotions with Alcohol. I should be able to be happy on my own.
I don't know what I should do. Should I stay for him? Even though we are in love now...who knows what the future holds. I know thats a pessimistic thought but I stayed in Grand Rapids for another guy after I graduated. But really...that was truly foolish. He didn't love me, I didn't love him. Hell, we were just "dating" anyway. We were never together. I stayed hoping it would turn into more. Should I continue to stay hoping Shaun will be "the one"? Is that still foolish? I don't know.
What I really need is an adventure. Just to get out of town for a while. Maybe go to Korea or Japan for a year and be a ESL teacher. It would just be a year. If Shaun really loved me he would wait. If he didn't...I guess its good it good I found out now than investing more of myself into this relationship. I think I should apply. Then come back in a year and pick up where I left off. Go back to school like I planned...I've already been accepted into Western Michigan Educational Leadership graduate program. Would that make me a little happier? I don't know. Happiness has always been a mystery to me.
So here I am, in Australia, and sick as a dog. Everyone has been sick lately...I was sick last week with a cold but I got better rather quickly. Now I'm sick again with god knows what. My roommate Bethany was sick and went to the doctor and found out she has a inner ear and throat infection. Ugh. Now I think I need to go to the doctor...the on campus one is free anyway. I went to bed at 8pm last night.
Tonight we are going to see Othello at the Sydney Opera House. It should be fun! This past sunday we all went wine tasting which was an experince. We were all drunk before noon..wow. Anyway I gotta go because class is starting soon. Boo.
Only 7 days till the program ends and I get to go to warn sunny Cairns, Australia for a week! Woo!
Ok, so here I am in Australia! I've been here for over two weeks and haven't written, but I made here it here alive. I've just been so busy I haven't had time to update. Funny though how I always find time to update when I should be working on a paper. heh heh.
Things have been good, just busy like I mentioned. I haven't had a free day since I've been here and its kinda starting to get to me! I just can't wait till this saturday, first day off and the first day I get to sleep in!
I've done a lot in the last few days, I'm pretty sure I've seen more of Sydney in two weeks than most people do in a month. We've pretty much walked all over the city of Sydney and its suburbs, went hiking in the blue mountains (I swear I'm gonna be 20lbs lighter when I get back), went to the capital for a weekened, petted a kangaroo, wombat, and koala, gone to lots of bars (ok, maybe 10lbs), and all in all spent lots of money. Ive pretty much bought souviners for everyone, a t-shirt for my dad, an opal for my mom, a stuffed kangaroo for my sister, and a boomerang for loc. I still need to get Ron, Barbara and Damien something but i'm working on it. The trip is a lot of fun I just wish we had more time to kind of seperate ourselves form the group and do our own thing. I'm pretty excited for class to be over although I'm not excited to go home to boring MI, bills and an empty checking account. Everything is so expensive here though, its so easy to drop $50. We have 3 meals provided a day, but since we are running around most afternoons we get a packed lunch with these gross pre-prapared sandwhiches. I choked them down for about 3 days and couldn't do it anymore. So eating out for lunch everyday is costing me a good AU$10-12 and since the exchange is not in my favor...its really pricey. I bought some stuff to make my own sandwiches today so hopefully that'll hold me over. I can't wait until the 26th, I booked a flight up north to Cairns where its much warmer and sunnier and best of all there will be no class. Its my last vacation pretty much until I have to grow up and become an adult. Gah.
Anyway its almost time for dinner and I need to get the rest of my paper done. See ya'll laterz!
ok...its nearly 6am and I haven't slept at all. That was even by force...or even choice. I only got 3 hours last night, you'd think I'd be dead tired. But...I just wasn't tired. I'm still not tired and I have class in 2 and a half hours. Its tuesday though, so I'll be on campus til 9pm. :-\ It'll probably hit me around 10 or so and thats gonna suck pretty hard....
So I just had about the scariest moment of my life...
So I put out those mouse traps I bought. They're the fancy ones, where the mouse goes inside this big black thing and then it kills it...so you don't have to see or touch a dead mouse. Well anyway, I baited one and put it in my closet a few days ago right by this big hole thats obviously been chewed into the wall. So far no luck, until today that is. I was sitting on my bed doing my nails, when I started to hear all this rattling coming from my closet. At first I was just like "what the hell..." but then I figured it must be a mouse messing with the trap. Or that one went in, didn't die, and was now trying to escape. So I open the closet door slowly (the cat is also profoundly interested in this) and reach in to flip on the light. When look over towards the trap I can see it moving, its almost inside the hole. Then I see this HUGE CLAW coming from the other side of the hole and trying to pull the trap through. I nearly shit myself. I screamed out loud "Oh my god what the hell it that!". It dropped the trap, which rolled aways from the hole a little, and stuck its head through. GIANT FUCKING RACCOON. Ugggghhh. I grabbed the cat and yelled at it, which made it scamper off. What the hell??? Mice i can deal with, but fuckin raccoons????? Scccrreewww that.
Now there is something in the wall behind my dresser, thats trying to get out. I don't think the area is big enough for a raccoon...but you never know. I can hear it chewing and scratching...go away!
So yeah...nearly crapped my pants. You know, if it would have been the ugly ass possum that tried to attack me when I was sitting outside that one time, I probably WOULD have crapped myself.
So I think...I need to call the landlord....or an exterminator....or both.
You are over and its about damn time. While most people I know are going out to celebrate the end of you tonight, I think I'm finally gonna take the time to clean my filthy apartment and then sleep for the next 18 hours. I'll get drunk and make a fool out of myself tomorrow, promise.
Sorry for being so lame.
Sleep deprived girl in the apartment she's been wanting to clean for the last 3 weeks.
I'VE ONLY TAKEN ONE EXAM, AND ONLY STUDIED EXTENSIVELY FOR 3 TOTAL AND I ALREADY REALLY REALLY REALLY WISH THIS WEEK WAS OVER SO I DON'T HAVE TO STUDY ANYMORE!!!!
Ok...I feel a little better now.
Back to studying about China and North Korea...wheee